Wanted: Assistant Football Coach

USC has officially posted the opening for an assistant coach.

You must have a “high skill level in football techniques.”

Does Clay Helton have that?

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35 thoughts on “Wanted: Assistant Football Coach

  1. Hi Guys. I might as well come clean and admit that I’m a homosexual. My constant homophobic comments directed at everyone I disagree with on this blog is actually really poor cover for the fact that I have homosexual leanings and and have acted on them more than a few times. I know you won’t judge me because you’re all far more intelligent than me. Afterall, I work a dead end job because I barely graduated high school. So between my repressed homosexuality and low IQ, I’m filled with rage. No one really likes me and I’m not that funny either.

    Like

  2. This is USC for crying out loud, go hire a defensive coordinator from a top 5 program, and make him the co-head coach. SC has sunk to an all time low under that buffoon, Clay Helton.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pee-Wee Herman has promised to apply. That exciting news should boost bozo FB recruiting 3.4578%

    #SUCCXhascrashlandedinthecellarmushroompatchLOL

    #willjimmymoraapply-ohwellbeggarscan’tbechoosers

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    1. We’re not at all fucked, Clay —that salary of $21,499 a year is going to attract loads of candidates from developing nations…..
      #….StrugglingToStartNewLives

      Liked by 2 people

    1. They’re probably required to do this meaningless exercise by law —
      #I’mSureTheyActuallyHaveA3rdRateCandidateAllLinedUp…
      #…AndReadyToFaceAlabama

      Liked by 3 people

      1. You could be right, karma —- I’m just guessing that it’s only another quasi-legal, bullshit hoop that USC feels like it’s supposed to jump through to stay “enlightened”…..

        Liked by 2 people

  4. What kind of BS is this , advertising for an assistant coach. Sad. These people are amateurs. Why are they protecting the preacher?. What does he have on them? This is weird. I am now going to write to the LA TIMES. And, maybe to the Post and New York times . there is something strange going on here. As soon as my typist is back from vacation my letter will go out. It smells.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Hey one thing is for sure this Saturday’s Times ‘Letters To The Editor’ are going to be rife with some barb filled musings.

    A truly humiliating USC loss to IA….a long overdue firing of Prendergast and Baxter ….LAC beat the LAL….Queen James withdraws….Rams win final game but their record for 2019 barely breaks 0.500 a year after playing in the Super Bowl….Chargers QB Rivers whimpers post-game after another predictable loss to the KC Chiefs….he so wants to play again (hopefully elsewhere)….CSUF beats bel-air tech men’s BB team @ Pauley….and finally once again, another chapter in Helton’s ‘Faith, family and….what the hell just happened?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Funny, Alv — but it’s not really “what the hell just happened?” It’s “how do we happy talk & sugar coat what just happened?”
      #CoachClayHelton:AnImaginative,EnterprisingPublicist’sDreamChild

      Liked by 3 people

  6. Has anyone ever heard of such a thing at a major school before? This is high school level. Unbelievable. Shouldn’t the ad also require the new assistant have an aversion to live tackling and hitting in practice and is good at handing out cookies and ice cream to players?

    Liked by 2 people

  7. USC has officially posted the opening for an assistant coach.

    You must have a “high skill level in football techniques.”

    Does Clay Helton have that?

    _________________________________

    Oh Hell No they didn’t put that out there like that

    It really is amateur hour at USC

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Folks, this is a legal requirement.

    My gosh everything SC does results in a negative connotation.

    FYI – Wolf you can’t apply
    A Not qualified
    B Won’t pass background check
    C No references

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  9. Just when you thought these idiots (Felt, Bohn and Clay Helton) could not get any worse, they out do themselves. First, Carol Folt has NO BUSINESS being USC President. Completely unqualified and incompetent at the job. Mike John should have NO SAY in who gets hired. The guy is a disaster himself, and a loser. As quarterback of the Kansas Jayhawks, he went 2-7-2. Came in 7th in his conference that year. This poser has never won a National Championship in football and ANY university where he was Athletic Director. Who the fuck hired this idiot at USC ? Foot and interim AD Dave Roberts ? Or, was it Caruso, Suzanne Nora, and others on the Board of Trustees who selected this guy ? At the University of Idaho, he was referred to as “Mr. Excitement” and he had “an exciting personality.” Seems he got more excited with each new job he got with increased pay. This guy is a major con man. Just look at his record, and you’ll be scratching your head about how ANYONE would want to hire him at their school. John was at U. of Idaho from 1998 to 2003. Not a single national championship won by that school in all those years. His football teams went 7-4 (1999), 5-6 (2000), 1-10 (2001, 2-10 (2002) and 3-9 in 2003. Average game attendance during these football seasons was LESS than 17,000 per game. John then jumped over to San Diego State in 2003. The 2003 football team went 6-6 and the 2004 team went 4-7. The 2005 team went 5-7. John tolerates mediocre coaches and football programs. Bohn then jumped over to U. of Colorado in 2005. At Colorado he lasted from 2005 to June, 2013 when he was forced out and given a $99K settlement to leave. during his tenure as Athletic Direct at Colorado, that school won only a single national championship (in men’s cross-country. No other teams under Bohn’s watch won a championship. 8 years AD at Colorado and he has nothing to show for it. Bohn then spends 8 months wandering the country in search of a job, and claims he was looking at other athletic programs to see how they succeed. In 2014, Bohn gets the AD job at Cincinnati. Cincinnati has only won 2 National Championships ever (1961 and 1962). Not a single Championship won by and sport at Cincinnati during Bohn’s tenure there. His 2014 football team went 9-4, 2015 was 7-6, 2016 was 4-8, and 2017 was 4-8. This guy tolerates bad coaching, and shit teams. He is unable to recognize football talent and he is a plodder. Collects a big paycheck and doesn’t give a fuck about the Athletic Department he is leading. Along comes Lynn Swann who is fired in September, 2019 after tolerating Helton incompetence and giving Helton a contract extension (why ? ). Folt, who comes to USC in July, 2019, hires interim AD Dave Roberts (attorney who was by Nikias’ side during 6 years of scandal and criminal conduct) and together these two geniuses decide to undertake a search for a NEW AD. The search committee is also comprised of Suzanne Nora, a member of the Board of Trustees (USC Class of 1979 and Harvard Law grad (claims on her law school application she was Native American). With this brain trust, these people hire “Mr. Excitement” who doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground, and he immediately supports the continued employment of Clay Helton as Head Coach. Helton fires his staff and now we expect Bohn to evaluate candidates for these coaching positions ? Really ? This is like a nightmare and a comedy where you cannot get the monkey off your back.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Just when you thought these idiots (Folt, Bohn and Clay Helton) could not get any worse, they out do themselves. First, Carol Folt has NO BUSINESS being USC President. Completely unqualified and incompetent at the job. Mike Bohn should have NO SAY in who gets hired. The guy is a disaster himself, and a loser. As quarterback of the Kansas Jayhawks, he went 2-7-2. Came in 7th in his conference that year. This poser has never won a National Championship in football at ANY university where he was Athletic Director. Who the fuck hired this idiot at USC ? Folt and interim AD Dave Roberts ? Or, was it Billionaire Rick Caruso, attorney Suzanne Nora, and others on the Board of Trustees who selected this guy ?

    At the University of Idaho, Bohn was referred to as “Mr. Excitement” and he had “an exciting personality.” Seems he got more excited with each new job he got with increased pay. This guy is a major con man. Just look at his record, and you’ll be scratching your head (maybe other parts too) about how ANYONE would want to hire him at their school. Bohn was at U. of Idaho from 1998 to 2003. Not a single national championship won by that school in all those years. His football teams went 7-4 (1999), 5-6 (2000), 1-10 (2001, 2-10 (2002) and 3-9 in 2003. Average game attendance during these football seasons was LESS than 17,000 per game.

    Bohn then jumped over to San Diego State in 2003. The 2003 football team went 6-6 and the 2004 team went 4-7. The 2005 team went 5-7. Bohn tolerates mediocre coaches and crap football programs. He has never been a winner.

    Bohn then jumped over to U. of Colorado in 2005. At Colorado he lasted from 2005 to June, 2013 when he was forced out in June 2013 and given a $990K settlement to leave. During his tenure as Athletic Direct at Colorado, that school won only a single national championship (in men’s cross-country. No other teams under Bohn’s watch won a championship. 8 years AD at Colorado and he has nothing to show for it.

    Bohn then spends 8 months wandering the country in search of a job, and claims he was looking at other athletic programs to see how they succeed. Must not have learned anything on this trip.

    In 2014, Bohn gets the AD job at Cincinnati. Cincinnati has only won 2 National Championships ever (1961 and 1962). Not a single National Championship won by any sports team at Cincinnati during Bohn’s tenure there. His 2014 football team went 9-4, 2015 was 7-6, 2016 was 4-8, and 2017 was 4-8. This guy tolerates bad coaching, and shit teams. He is unable to recognize football talent and he is a plodder. Collects a big paycheck and doesn’t give a fuck about the Athletic Department he is leading.

    Along comes Lynn Swann who is fired as USC AD in September, 2019 after tolerating Helton’s incompetence and giving Helton a contract extension (why ? ). Folt, who comes to USC as Presidentt in July, 2019, hires interim AD Dave Roberts (attorney who was by Nikias’ side during 6 years of scandals and criminal conduct) and together these two geniuses decide to undertake a search for a NEW AD. The search committee is also comprised of Suzanne Nora, a member of the Board of Trustees (USC Class of 1979 and Harvard Law grad (claims on her law school application she was Native American). With this brain trust, these people hire “Mr. Excitement” who doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground, and he immediately supports the continued employment of Clay Helton as Head Coach. Helton fires his staff and now we expect Bohn to evaluate candidates for these coaching positions ? Really ? This is like a nightmare and a comedy where you cannot get the monkey off your back.

    (this makes corrections and typos to the previous entry above)

    Liked by 5 people

      1. Do your homework. You’ll find that it is all true. Why is it that we have to do this simple background check on Bohn and no one at the university bothered before he was hired ?

        Liked by 4 people

      2. I think you answered your own question, Proud. USC’s been taking the “that oughta be good enough” approach for the last 10 years….on all fronts not just athletics…..
        #Admissions,AdministrativeSearchCommittees,Etc.,Etc…..

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t hire Kris Richard. Dallas defense not really lighting it up. let this shit show burn. Out of the ashes may come clarity and with it, greatness. hopefully…

      Like

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