FOOTBALL

Welcome To The Twilight Zone

This whole introduction of Clay Helton to Georgia Southern is something else.

USC has never welcomed a coach like this.

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73 thoughts on “Welcome To The Twilight Zone”

  1. I wish Scottie hadn’t posted those video clips. So much for lunch today, prob dinner too, may have to wait until breakfast tomorrow before this nausea is gone from watching the village idiot. A better huckster was never born.

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    1. Listen carefully to the Helton giggle — it’s higher, more girlish than ever…
      #”GreatDayToBeAnEagle…CuzIHaven’tStartedCoachingYet!”

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    4. Helton’s fluffer pudly also made the trip, he was tied up wearing his gimp suit in the trunk of the car that dropped off Clay.

      Cal hippie and gotroll22 keeping pudly under wrap…

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    1. Very fair minded and mature, parcelman. May I assume the role of loyal opposition? Clay decimated our program…. and browbeat the chicken shit L. A. press into playing along. His appointment (and retention) of Callaway ENDED our o-line recruiting and we’re (especially our QB’s) still paying the price. He could have stepped down but he insisted on milking USC for every penny he could get (which was considerable).
      #AndHeHadTheGALLToCall24-49IowaScore”GoodButNotGreat”

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      1. I’m sure that he really believed that he could take this program to the promise land. You don’t get this far in college football without having a very high optimistic view of yourself even if it is illusionary. As far as milking the program of the big bucks, that’s Haden and Swann’s fault. Which one of us would turn down a 6 year, 30 million dollar contract if they were stupid enough to offer it to us. I think that CH still believed he could bring this program around. When you get to the point where you don’t believe in yourself anymore, you might as well get out of the business and become a car salesman.

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      2. Here’s the way I look at it, parcelman:
        You have a choice —talk a lazy dumbass A. D. into more cash than you’re worth…and then take the money and run….
        …OR …
        Be a Man of God who shoots videos of himself reading Saint Mark from a pocket New Testament as an Example for the Ages……
        #ButDon’tDoBoth –It’sBadForm

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    1. I didn’t like the way his new A. D. was handling Helton’s wife….
      #TimeForCarolFoltToSpeakUp
      #”ThisCannotStand,Man”
      —The Big Lebowski

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      1. C’mon MG… the religious right is into threesomes, foursomes or multiplesomes. That’s what Faith Family and Football is all about. Clay had to go when Coach Folt could no longer stand sharing him,

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      3. wonder if those 2 AD’s were promised kickbacks for those large salaries…kinda like all those dem/obamas gifts to all those fake energy companies ending in bankruptcies…tax payers too dumb to even notice.

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  4. Beverly Hillbillies- revival.in 2021……..Surprised Elly Mae, Jetro, Granny and Jed Clampett did not attend the press conference. Hicksville………..Helton will go 3 and 9 his first year, and all the Hillbillies will think he is a hero.

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    1. I object to you libeling the sweet natured, Granny Clampett….
      #ClayIsMoreTheCantankerousGrannyYokum—
      #…LilAbner’sGranny–TheOneWithCorncobPipeInRockingChair

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    1. When Las Vegas bookies makes LSU a 30 point underdog to Alabama they’re not “wishing another person’s failure”….
      #They’rePredictingIt

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    2. I used to be that way…all I will state hope he has a long tenure at a place that obviously can’t analyze facts nor comprehend reality…they deserve each other.

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  6. Scooter,

    Thank you for the videos. I am laughing out so hard. That guy sounds like a broken record. “What a great day to be a Trojan”, “What a Grteat day to be an Eagle”. When he gets fired from ther and is rehired, youw ill hear, “What a great day to (fill in the blank)”.

    Well SC is off the hook from him. Now, if Dolt and Bohn Bohn can only find a coach. It is like the wizard of OZ, If only I had a brain. Well they are looking for a coach, and maybe a brain.

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  10. For those who weren’t aware, Georgia Southern was a I-AA (FCS) powerhouse program built by legendary defensive coordinator Erk Russell (Vince Dooley’s man at Georgia through the Herschel Walker era). Won multiple national championships – he was followed by the coach who went on to be successful at Navy and Georgia Tech (Paul Johnson – why both of the those programs switched to hybrid option offense – it was first perfected at Ga. So.). Big rivalry with App. State, but they made the jump to I-A (FBS) after their famous upset over Michigan. They will tolerate Helton’s garbage for far less time than USC did. Mark it down 5-7 and “wait ’til next year” in the home of the Allman Brothers will lead to the door.

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      1. I was stationed at Fort Benning and Fort Stewart in Georgia 1996-2000…Georgia Southern has fallen from those lofty heights (just like USC), but as with any southern football powerhouse (small or large), they believe they should always win (Erk built that into the program – if interested in him, look up the SI articles on the Dawgs from 1980 – Herschel and Erk). Guarantee you they’ll be showing G(a/o)mer the door in less than three years. He won’t recruit there, won’t have quality assistants, won’t have hangovers from previous regime to buy him time…he’s going to get a paycheck…and hit a Waffle House at 2 am skulking out of Statesboro.

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      2. Helton to Mrs. Helton: “I give myself 2 years before the posse shows up at our door with the burning torches —but, hey, think how much our Moderna shares will be worth by then”…..

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      4. Tim – I don’t (and never did, other than being aware of from local reporting when I was stationed in area) follow them, but looking it up, yeah, they long ago fell off their perch, so to speak. A little success since transitioning to I-A, but not on par with their old rivals App. State, and not to the degree hoped for (seems to be a thing in the south, even more than other areas, for sports programs – Wofford, Liberty, Ga. So., App. St., UAB, C. Fla., Coast. Car., etc., etc. – to try to replicate what Florida State did under Bowden in the ’70s…some success to be fair)…hiring Helton is definitely a sign of desperation, or them going through their own version of corrupt/inept (lack of) leadership leading to bad hiring/retention decisions.

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      1. I think that’s a pretty good opening line Calabasas…I could see them cutting the cord at any point after 2 years (especially if he’s 11-13 or worse as would stand to reason…just imagine his record at USC with no Sam, RoJo, JuJu, Adoree, etc…won’t be any of that in Statesboro).

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  11. BTW WolfMizer-We had compared USC to the Twilight Zone (particularly “On Thursday We Leave For Home”) years ago! Now, if you want to go here, we’ll talk…

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  12. I can see the first couple of Clay Helton commercials on local TV in Statesboro.

    1) Waffle House- Clay will be holding a pitchfork in the commercial and say ” It’s great to be an Eagle, and let’s all celebrate together at Waffle House. Waffles every morning were a key to my winning success at Southern California, and I am going to continue doing that here in Georgia at the Waffle House.
    2) Dollar General- My wife and I made alot of money off Southern Cal, but every dollar counts, and All Eagles Shop Together at Dollar General.

    Clay Helton is the Hick from Cabin Creek……….

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      1. He’ll find that the “hicks” are like Gene Hackman’s initial statement to Denzel Washington in “Crimson Tide” (they may not know…but they sure as heck will know…).

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      3. Agreed – funny moment (‘the XO informs me that there might be a morale problem…’ )

        Only Rear Admiral Anderson was completely right (albeit by saying both were right and wrong), but thinking USC needs a little more Captain Ramsey, and little less Lieutenant Commander Hunter, at the moment…

        Couldn’t you see McKay’s Ghost (actual, not our friend here) coming back and doing that over the past 13 years? “G(a/o)mer tells me that there might be a morale problem…”

        Second best line in the movie I think is the ‘short of the outbreak of WW III or a giant octopus attacking the sub, I’d like to be undisturbed…’

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      4. While we’re on the Denzel subject –what did you think of Man on Fire? I thought it was pretty fucking good [glad Denzel died before the cartel got him home]….

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      5. Same here – I love man on a mission sheer intensity…different flavors, but you see it in anything from High Plains Drifter, to True Grit, to stranger fare like Shawshank Redemption and Deathwish…to modern Daniel Craig Bond (sans most recent I’m told)…Denzel is one of my favorites (love Manchurian Candidate – especially scene where the smarmy cop lips off “You wanna hit me don’t ya? Go ahead..” Pow!!!)…

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      6. I’m ashamed to say I can’t switch channels into a Denzel Washington movie and not watch the whole rest of the movie —even if it’s a colossal piece of shit like The Equalizer. [It must have pained him to watch somebody else get the Academy Award after his work in Unstoppable or Fences or even American Gangster —or maybe he doesn’t give a fuck].
        As for Peckinpah’s High Plain’s Drifter –I don’t think there’s a more noble shootout in Western history –even the bad guy, James Drury, shows honor. That’s the way I’d like to check out —with a buddy saying “we got ’em, pardner.”
        #SimilarGreatEndingSceneInOnceUponATimeInTheWest

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    2. Clay Helton a hick!? Yes, he affects the good ol boy thing, but he went to one of the top high schools in Texas, let alone Houston plus Auburn and U of Houston. Clay tries to mimic his father … it’s all an act. Clay’s a phony.

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  13. My guess in Mrs. Helton will be a recluse there (maybe Tybee Island or Hilton Head – the Haden/Swann Bonanza will stead them well)…the local folks won’t be nearly as polite as we’ve been (by and large)…soon as he’s done with the Waffle House and Dollar General commercials (and perhaps a payday lender or used car lot), better get that UHaul loaded and hit the gas ahead of the torches and pitchforks…guessing you won’t see him doing his little childish steam engine puffery there (he’ll find that 85 degrees in eastern Georgia is far worse than 102 in LA, and not be as smart as JRob or Pete was in hiring sufficient sideline cooling units, one suspects).

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    1. …all of which should result in the Wolfman getting some pretty awesome photos of Clay mouth-breathing like a beached blue whale on the sidelines…
      #….EyesFilledWithTerror
      [There is no way in hell Clay is gonna be able to get away with the post game bullshit —The “we fought like gladiators” bit after a 21 point loss is gonna get him eaten alive]….

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      2. That is so funny … and gross!
        Agreed on the getting eaten alive…there won’t be any “I can’t wait to see this team in November…or next year” nonsense tolerated I’d suspect.

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  14. Anyone notice his wife at the press conference after she looked at all the country folk? Man, the vibe I got from watching her walk to the front was………………Let’s get this press conference over with, and start looking for a home in Hilton Head, or Charleston so we don’t have to live in this town, or with these people.

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  15. We ALL take our bad habits with us. Clay is no exception to the rule. He SUCKED as a coach at USC, and he’ll continue to do the same for Georgia Southern. It will be interesting to see how long their top brass realize how full of crap he truly is.

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    1. The first few ALREADY know it…. the rest will come along quickly….
      #..AndToday’sJoyWillTurnToBitterAshesInA.D.’sMouth….
      [I’ve really been waiting for an opportunity to melodramatically overreach all day]!

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    2. they hired him …let that sink in…now put sc in that picture too after his tenure…there is little difference ,and don’t use the salary to defend sc…there were those ready to pay that off…this is the normal in education.

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  16. Ms. Helton to Clay after the press conference. ” Honey we hardly see each other much during the season so why don’t you rent an apartment during the season near the campus in Statesboro, and the kids and I will live in our permanent residence in Hilton Head SC. I can’t wait to live a true Southern lifestyle in Hilton Head, and visit the shopping malls and fine restaurants, but I promise you I will come to a few games each season.

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    2. Too funny…TommyD great characterization…maybe she could use…and this is a no shit true story…the excuse three of my troops tried on me when I was their platoon leader at Fort Stewart (these were kick ass young guys who liked to enjoy what little time they got off and lived it up to the max)…they missed a morning post-holiday weekend first formation, and when they called our unit number (just prior to cell phones becoming ubiquitous), they claimed that a storm had caused the state police to close the bridges to the mainland from Hilton Head! Of course, upon further investigation, it turned out that there had been no storm…I’m guessing Clay might just take the Mrs. word for it! wink-wink…

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